I think the best one I ever got from a client was:

"Well, you say you put the new metatags in last week. But I'm still not number 1 in the search engines. I want my money back."

:eek:

Runnerups include:

Client - "Well, I'm still not seeing results."
Me - "It can take awhile for the changes I made to register with the search engines and take effect."
Client - "What changes? I see no changes."
Me - "The new pages. The format changes. The next I added. All of the things described on the invoices."
Client - "Oh. I took those out."
Me - "... ... ..."

Client - "I want ******.com and ******.com in my keyword tags."
Me - "You can't really do that. They're copyrighted. You could get sued."
Client - "Then be sure not to put ******.com and ******.com in my keyword tags. I don't want to get sued."
Me - "um... ok... thanks?"

*2 weeks after a complete and total, top to bottom redesign of a website done at the request of the client*
Client - "I was looking at my site today and... well I kind of miss the old one. So can we change it back? Undo all of the changes that were made and just reuse the old version."
Me - "Well... we could..."
Client - "Great! And so you won't bill me for the redesign right? Because we didn't use it."