Originally posted by Ounique
Tala, I do believe I've found a kindred spirit here. Heh heh. I had every intention of posting on this thread last night and didn't get around to it. Looks like you all are doing a pretty awesome job with this topic.
Why thank you.
Always fun and interesting to hear several points of view on the subject, which is why I feel very comfortable to hear what you and others have to say.
On the subject of the Top being in control, a friend of mine is a Master who has two slaves and a boy. He gave a presentation one time about the lifestyle and said something along the lines of "I am a Master, which is to say that I am a Dominant who exerts control over my submissives... usually at their descretion". LOL! The idea of control is interesting. The sub gives the Dom control over him, however, a good Dom will want to do things to the sub that he knows the sub wants (or in some cases, needs). So in effect, the sub controls the scene by allowing the Dom to dominate him. If a Dom is exerting control over someone in a non-consentual manner, then you get into issues other than bdsm.
As I like to put it: A Top without a willing bottom is just an asshole talking to himself.
To put this in a more detailed manner, the BDSM/Leather Communities follow the "Rule of Three" which is Safe, Sane, and Consensual, (also seen as just SSC). If a scene doesn't follow these three guidelines, then it isn't a scene, it's abuse.
Example here: To be safe, the Top, (usually: I have seen several scenes in which the sub does this), ensures that the play area is safe from prying eyes, and that the sub is comfortable playing there. The sub is also given "safewords" which are used to tell the Top when something isn't quite right. (Most often used: green for go go go, yellow for slow it down, you're approaching a limit, and red for ALL STOP)
To be sane, (and this is Me I'm talking about on this one, others will have differences), I do not drink alcohol nor indulge in any drug prior to a scene, so that My mind is completely on the sub and what I'm doing. This also helps with the safety issue, for if you aren't sane, guaranteed you aren't safe. I do not allow subs with whom I am to play to drink or indulge in drugs beforehand either, so that I know they're sane enough to consent and use a safeword. Example of this would be a drunk sub not being able to tell me I've gone too far, and this is bad.
To be consensual, ANY activity between partners is negotiated and agreed to beforehand, no matter if you're long-time D/s (Dominant/submissive relationship, also called Master and slave) or a first-time play party meeting.
If one of these is not met, then all play is null and void. (damn I'm long winded. Sorry.)
On the subject of BDSM vs. S&M. The letters "S" and "M" in both terms stand for the same thing, Sado-Masochism, the giving and receiving of pain. However, not all kinky play involves S&M. I've been told that the straight kinky community uses the term BDSM to encompass all kinky play, while we in the gay community use the term "Leather". I often refer to my community as the "Leather Communty" even though I know a lot of people who are into rope bondage, Rubber and other things who never wear a stitch of leather. It's just one of those things.
Well said.
To add to what Tala had said about titles. I believe that Lord and My Lord are terms that are mostly used in the straight kink community to refer to a male Dom. In the gay community we usually use Sir, Daddy or Master.
Learn something new every day. Thanks.
And on the subject of the term Daddy. Daddy and boy are not just terms used to imply age play, although they certainly are used in that context. The term can also mean a particular type of Dominant and submissive natures. A slave and a boy are both submissives. The differences have been up for discussion and debate for some time. I tend to describe the difference as this, a slave serves because they have a need to, a boy serves because he wants to. Some Dominant men do not feel comfortable with the term Master, nor do they feel that thier needs encompass the full ownership and control over a sub, the way that Masters and slaves tend to interact. We call these men "Sir" or "Daddy". It has nothing to do with age. I know boys who are older than their Daddies.
I had heard of this, but wasn't sure if that was what she was asking. Thanks for adding it in. You rock.
There has been a huge movement in the past few years by people who identify as "boy". There have been a lot of problems with internet predators taking advantage of submissives by passing themselves off as experienced Doms, and causing abuse both mentally and physically. There are clubs popping up all around the country for subs who are looking to get into the scene. They are the "boys of Leather" clubs. I, myself, am President of the LA boys of Leather. Okay, here's one to make you think... girls can be "boys" too. We are a pansexual group open to anyone who identifies with a male submissive spirit. I know female "boys" who have female "Daddies". It's not about being transgendered, but about the male spirit. There is also a Leathergirl movement going on for people (both female and male) who identify with the submissive female spirit.
Didn't know that either and would be interested in hearing more about it.
Okay, believe it or not, I actually am working so I need to get back to all my content orders and other postings and stuff. But one last thing. For AndyMike, gas masks can be fun. Constricting, bondage, sensory deprivation, breath play, and just plain freaky cool lookin'. There are many reasons why someone might like something that go beyond the surface. Agreed on the gas mask part, which is also why I like hoods and gags. Fun times.
Bookmarks