Want do I want for Christmas? Well like you I have my two front teeth, I have my health again, I’m in love and I have the dog.

How about peace of mind? That would be something I would want for Christmas. It doesn’t have to be wrapped. It can come in shape it desires. I’m not worried about the size, just that it fits somehow. I would hope it doesn’t have an expiration date, but beggars can’t be choosers with this type of gift, I’ll take as much of it as I can, too. It doesn’t have to come on Christmas either. I’ll accept shipment anytime. But it’s always nice to know it will arrive on a specific day.

I used to have piece of mind this time of year when I was little. Or maybe I was too young to know anything else.

I do wish we could turn back the clock, just for a little while. I miss those innocent days. We would all go over to Babice’s (Polish for Grandma) for Christmas Eve. She would make a feast for us. We would all sit around a big table (in my mind) and just eat and talk. I would get to see my godmother, my cousin and my uncle – people we rarely saw any other time of the year. We would talk, and giggle and since I was very young and would be the focus of all the hugs and tickles available.

And we didn’t have to wait to get home for Santa to arrive. My dad had a special deal with him to make a fast stop at Babice’s before continuing on. Of course we weren’t allowed to see Santa, we had to hide in the dining room when he arrived. Dad’s deal was, if one of us saw him, he’d have to miss our house that night (cruel but effective). And with a footfall in the hall way and a knock at the door and bells jingling, we knew he was there. My brothers and my cousin knowing I needed to be distracted from pulling open the door, took me to the window to see the back rungs of Santa’s sleigh jutting off the roof. It was dark and I could barely see them. But they were there!

The door would open and out we ran, to see gifts under the tree and Babice sitting next to it smiling at us with as much excitement as we had. I was the baby so I got to sit in Babice’s lap and open my gifts. We played for a while, and then it was time to get home. Santa was still coming and we had to get ready for the next day at my other grandma’s house – with the 13 cousins, 8 aunts and uncles, mom, dad and grandma.

We rode home with the radio playing with frequent reports about a red nosed reindeer being spotted over Brooklyn - hey I knew he was there, dad made a deal. And I remember thinking “Stay in Brooklyn we’re not home yet!”

Now time marched on like always. Here we are today. And yet I still hold on to these memories the most every Christmas. It wasn’t long after that I found out the truth about Santa, I found out the sleigh rungs were actually the supports for the fire escape and Dad didn’t cut a NJ deal with the big guy – he was the one who knocked at the door and ho-ho-ho’d for us. I also found out that my big brothers and my cousin all knew the truth but they stayed in that room to make it exciting for me.

I miss those days. I miss that magic. I miss my grandmother’s and those holiday events.

But I do have new magic, with Lee. I still have my family, who I adore, but we are all separated now. This is the pup’s first Christmas so she’s going to get spoiled like she was a human child. We’ll have my aunt and uncle (one set of the 8) over for dinner, watch some movies and have a nice evening.

And I’ll go to sleep like I did last year, knowing that as time goes on, things change. And even though it seems like it will never be the same, what’s new today is just as exciting, as magical and as loving as it was then.

You know what, I just found my piece of mind. It arrived early. And it fits just fine.

All my best,
Gary-Alan