luke is definitely a rockin' host. so is isprime. it is definitely worth talking to any host before you sign up - sometimes you can either get better deals financially or help getting your server (or servers) set up best for your needs.

ounique has some great content, but imo they do not have the type of video you will need. also - since you are new to the biz - some of their content is pretty exposed. if you have money, getting exclusive content shot would be a solution to consider. that way, no other paysites, free sites or avs sites will have your content. maxpixels and ounique have good gay content, and if you talk with the folks at worldwidecontent, they have MUCH more than what they show on their site.

content management - lessee, there's mas by the folks at mansion productions. they also make mpa3, one of the pre-written affiliate suites. there are too many cms to list, and you also might consider getting one written to your needs. NATS is another ready to go affiliate system, and it's pretty good.

if you decide to go with your own merchant account, i have heard only good things about using netbilling as your gateway and member support. if you decide not to go with your own merchant account, ccbill is possibly the best processor if you want to get the most affiliates. epoch (paycom) is also very good, and has more features if you plan to host your own join page. both have a good reputation in our industry, and both will pay your affiliates for you if you wish.

as far as the rest, if you're set on starting a paysite before you have learned through doing other things, perhaps you could hire a manager - someone with experience in adult and paysites. they would have the specific knowledge you lack, and can bring you up to speed while finding you designers, content, programs, etc.

mostly i recommend that you and your partner spend some time going through the business threads on this board. there was a recent one about cms which includes some links. there are several about designers and content in the last few months.