I see it this way, you don't want to treat him as an adult, but you also don't want him to think that all you need to do is find a generous friend or relative and mooch off them so you don't have to work. Most kids have chores around the house growing up and when we get on our own we have to do those chores in our own homes. So let him know that everyone in the house contributes. Some go outside to work and put money towards the rent, some stay home more and do the chores to keep the house nice and he can do either.
I had a friend who was around 20, his parents were devorced and his Dad sold the house out from under him and his Mom. She went to stay somewhere but didn't have room for him so he asked if he could crash with me and my roomate. I told him he could stay for a few weeks until he found a place. Well, that two weeks became two months, during which time he did no helping out, ate all our food and started selling my CDs at the local used music store for extra cash (I didn't find this out until later). My roommate and I had never established any rules so he just saw us as a free ride. My roommate and I started eating out and kept no food in the house anymore because we were tired of supporting him. The last straw came when I overheard him talking on our phone (long distance, of course) to a friend and he said "yeah, it's not bad here, but some food would be nice", as if we owed it to him to buy him food. The second he hung up the phone I told him he had a week to get out. And that was pretty much the end of our friendship.
This was in the early 90's, and a few years ago a new friend, only 18, asked to stay under similar circumstances. After a week he was showing no signs of helping out or trying to better his situation, and I found out that he had basically been going from friend to friend, bumming his way around, leaving only when he'd used up his friends generosity. I told him he could stay if he helped out around the house and earned his keep, and when he wouldn't do it I told him he couldn't stay. He bounced around a few more times, over the course of two years, until everyone we both knew had kicked him out. Once he had hit rock bottom and nobody would support him, he got a job. Now he's got a great job, lives in a nice place and is a really cool guy to be around. He learned the hard way that you can't just bum off of people all the time.
Sounds like you have an opportunity to teach this kid a lesson in a much easier way than my friend, who learned it the hard way. Teach him the values of living responsibly.
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Originally Posted by DonMike
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