You need a copy editor something fierce. I'm dyslexic and I saw lots of spelling, grammatical, spacing and line-break errors. It's all kinda awkward to see.

The forest green on a black background makes it worse. It's almost illegible.

It also goes on WAY too long and it's kinda... meandering. Too many words. You can tell that story in about 1/2 as many.

Why not do a voice over and ditch the text altogether?