Are you masculine or feminine?

[padabum]

well sorry guys, but being a very masculine guy myself and being INTO very feminine guys i do appreciate this kind of search... :bow: :bow: :bow:

[Lee]

I say this as someone who has suffered through all of these issues myself. I could write a book on the confusion, frustration and fear that I was faced with growing up a sissy boy in smalltown, white, Republican Pennsylvania. I had masculinity issues out the wazoo for many many years, and I still struggle with them today, though not at all in any way that interferes with my relationships with other men. The older and more comfortable with myself and my body that I've become, the more relaxed I've become in terms of what I am looking for in a partner--whether permanent or temporary. As soon as I realized that I had these issues, I began to work on them. Sadly, I think too many people realize they have issues and then use them as an excuse for shallow behavior instead of thinking outside the box and actually seeing the beauty in ALL KINDS of people, not just their preferred types.

Ken,

Did you ever think that perhaps its just YOU that had these issues and that, shock horror, every gay man doesnt hate themselves as you seem to imply whenever you get the chance?

Perhaps it is/was just YOU that is/was a crackpot who had 'issues' to work out and that the rest of us, are actually stable, sane people who dont hate ourselves and in fact, are quite happy with our bodies, lives, relationships and are happy being gay?

Perhaps, the fact you have lowered your standards in what you look for in a partner means that you really arent looking for a relationship, but are in fact looking to just get laid because of the self-loathing issues you still have for yourself being a gay man that nobody you 'were' looking for, thought you measured up to their standards, physically and mentally?

Just a thought, typically, when you are driving down a 1-way street, with all the other vehicles heading towards you, it means that you fucked up, not the drivers in the other vehicles.

Regards,

Lee

[XXXWriterDude]

Ken,

Did you ever think that perhaps its just YOU that had these issues and that, shock horror, every gay man doesnt hate themselves as you seem to imply whenever you get the chance?

Perhaps it is/was just YOU that is/was a crackpot who had 'issues' to work out and that the rest of us, are actually stable, sane people who dont hate ourselves and in fact, are quite happy with our bodies, lives, relationships and are happy being gay?

Perhaps, the fact you have lowered your standards in what you look for in a partner means that you really arent looking for a relationship, but are in fact looking to just get laid because of the self-loathing issues you still have for yourself being a gay man that nobody you 'were' looking for, thought you measured up to their standards, physically and mentally?

Just a thought, typically, when you are driving down a 1-way street, with all the other vehicles heading towards you, it means that you fucked up, not the drivers in the other vehicles.

Regards,

Lee

LOL! Lee, you're so funny. There you go again trying to invalidate and dismiss other people. It's so entertaining watching you act out your OWN obvious insecurities on here. I'm quite amused by it.

Actually, no, I have never thought that I was the only one in the world who felt that way, because I know for a fact that MANY gay men suffer from these same issues. It's been written about and studied by psychologists for years, and anyone with a brain knows that there is no such thing as just one person being the only person in the whole world who feels a certain way. I've also talked with MANY of my gay friends and people over the years, certainly enough to know that there are lots of people who share these very same concerns.

The fact that so many gay men make such a stink about whether or not they are masculine obviously points to some kind of insecurity about their masculinity. It's common sense.

And I find it laughable that you would say that I've "lowered my standards" when, in fact, I've simply matured and grown up. Again, I choose to find beauty in a wide array of body types and personalities, not just one rigid type of person. Personally, I think that points to a very mature outlook.

It's always so funny how negatively people react to hearing anything remotely critical of either the gay community or their own behavior. I'm sure you're feeling rather smug and energized now that you've once again personally attacked someone in a public forum, but your typically over-the-top and dismissive--not to mention wildly defensive--reaction to my post only goes to show that I was on to something in the first place. Thanx for supporting my theory.

[DonMike]

One thing to keep aware of is that so many "masculine" gay men, and straight men for that matter, seem to think that being an effeminate man is a bad thing. Look at the reaction a lot of you had to the question of being masculine or effeminate. Think about your own personal feelings and the comments made. I've been guilty myself of saying something about a guy who looks manly and then he opens his mouth and a purse falls out. But does that make him less of a man? Is it wrong for a masculine man to do drag? Is it wrong for a femme guy to dress up as butch? We don't like to be labeled by others yet we do a damn good job of it ourselves. And it's not because we are damaged or lacking something in our lives, it's just that we've grown up in a culture that loves shoving people into neat little boxes. The younger people of today are experimenting with gender roles as early as junior high. Us older folk could take a lesson about that and be more accepting.

And Ken, you know I love ya, darlin' but I recall a conversation where you pinched a tiny little bit of your stomach lamenting about how fat you were and how you needed to lose weight. I hope your above post was about conquering your issues and that you can see you have nothing to worry about. Although, I must admit, being a 200 plus full figured guy and having someone with a small frame going on about being overweight did nothing to help my self-esteem. So in talking about the way gay people treat each other, keep in mind that if you think 10 extra pounds is sooooo fat then you obviously think I'm a gargantuan pig. But I won't bow down to that kind of pressure. I have in the past and I decided no more. I go to the gym because I want to feel better and have more energy. I'll always have a stomach, I may lose some weight and gain some muscle but I will always be "fat" by Weho standards. But you know, I have a wonderful boyfriend who rubs my big belly and tells me how sexy I am. And if not him then there are others who look to the person you are rather than the vessel that carries you, so it's about loving yourself before you can love someone else.

[vs eddie]

I would have to say I'm a little bit of both. It totally depends on the situation though, I tend to surprise a lot of people with my masculinity from time to time.

[Lee]

I tend to surprise a lot of people with my masculinity from time to time.

Baby, thats not your masculinity, thats your cock LOL

Regards,

Lee

[basschick]

and yet that VERY effeminate top i talked about thinks he's the epitome of masculinity. so asking doesn't really solve anything, and makes it more likely that people will lie or mislead.

when the people start to talk or show each other photos, they'll figure out if they're attracted without asking a question that feels like a straight person's version of gay male relationships to me.

btw, ken - there are gay men out there that are centered and happy. there are also gay men with tons of issues, but masculine vs feminine was never one of them. everyone doesn't have the same problems or we'd never have drama

Hi guys someone just pointed this out to me and I want to clear something up.

We are not trying to label anyone at ManLuv, it's not about a label, it is about helping a guy find exactly what he is looking for easily. Some men prefer a fem guys, some prefer a masculine guys.

If you were to sign up to another site and do a search, man seeking man, but you prefer fem guys over masculine wouldn't your search be made a little easier if things were broken down further?

It's for ease of use, to help the end user find the exact person he is looking for, nothing more.

[DonMike]

and yet that VERY effeminate top i talked about thinks he's the epitome of masculinity. so asking doesn't really solve anything, and makes it more likely that people will lie or mislead.

Sometimes it's not even a matter of lying or misleading, just self-perception. I remember the first time I saw myself on video as a young adult just being myself. I had thought I was this very masculine guy and seeing my mannerisms and actions, and hearing my voice, I was just shattered. It's not that I'm super effeminate, it's just that I'm hardy a stereotypical truck driver either. I've come to really like myself, doing my best to see myself how other people see me, but not everyone has that luxory. So your friend may well think he's the epitome of masculinity and not lying to anyone.

[vs eddie]

You just know me too well don't ya!

Baby, thats not your masculinity, thats your cock LOL

Regards,

Lee

[mistwist]

Well I am not sure what else I can say on the matter, other than it is more about a persons preference than a label. It was taken into consideration that a persons view of themselves may not be how others perceive them, however I really couldn't think of a better way to go about this.

I spoke with a friend earlier and he came to the same conclusion, actually his statement was, "well a search for a man looking for a man just doesn't make sense either, it is a hookup site for gay men, I would hope there would be men looking for men there, you have to go deeper than that somehow"

I am open to suggestions on this if anyone has any but I really don't think there is a "make everyone happy" solution here, and believe me when I say this one really is working QUITE well so far, but I am game for changes, after all its not about what I think, it is about the bottom line for everyone involved, affiliates and myself alike.

[Sha]

Well for what it is worth. I think that your choice makes perfect sense. If I were on your site looking for another man then I would want to know if the man I was looking for considered his mannerisms to be either fem or masculine. You are right, you can't please everyone all of the time.

[HotMaleVideos]

Well, well, well, here are all you fags again arguing and swinging your purses around. Be REAL men and suppress your feelings like you're supposed to. :heart:

There has been the long-standing negative stigma associated with homosexuality and femininity. I don't think that if one labels themself a certain way, it's inevitably/obviously due to an insecurity. At least not always. There are counter-examples to everything, but I'm sure there are lots of insecure folks out there too.

Insecurity isn't a gay thing either. How does it really differ from straight people? I don't know how the female mind works, but I would think that straight men can compensate for insecurities just the same. I've no specific knowledge or read any studies, but if insecurities in homosexuals is compounded, I would think that it is largely because homosexuality as a recognized community is not even 1 generation old. There is going to be a maturization process in how we (general "we") see ourselves for at least as long as there is a majority that see us as "less than" due to the persisting negative stigma.

Lots of minorities have suffered from that.

No need to even mention insecurities of women, either.

Buck could kick all of our asses anyway, so chew on that you self-labeling "masculine" fagbois. :china:

But back to the issue. Fem vs. Masc on a website... Meh, whatever. My first impression was, "This must be run by a straight company," because that's an atypical first-stop in how guys connect. Profiling their mannerisms is fine, but many are slanted in their self-perception. Ever watch Idol? I just wouldn't use it as a starting point, is all. As primarily a hookup site, I'd probably start with Top/Bottom/Versatile.

BTW, you know I love ya's. Don't think my first line is serious. Or else you're REALLY insecure.

[DonMike]

Something else I've noticed. It seems to be human nature to criticize but people rarely offer a helpful counter suggestion. Thanks to HotMaleVideos for doing just that (and anyone else who may have that I've missed). To offer a suggestion myself, I don't think the masculine/feminine question is that bad, but if it's one of only a few choices than you really run the risk of alienating a lot of gay men, just in the wording. However, if this question were posed in a long list of attributes, say "masculine/feminine/top/bottom/kinky/leather/fetish/humorous/serious/jock/punk/business/preppy", then you have a wide range of things to choose from. I always hate forms that only give you two choices when you fall in between.

[mistwist]

Something else I've noticed. It seems to be human nature to criticize but people rarely offer a helpful counter suggestion. Thanks to HotMaleVideos for doing just that (and anyone else who may have that I've missed). To offer a suggestion myself, I don't think the masculine/feminine question is that bad, but if it's one of only a few choices than you really run the risk of alienating a lot of gay men, just in the wording. However, if this question were posed in a long list of attributes, say "masculine/feminine/top/bottom/kinky/leather/fetish/humorous/serious/jock/punk/business/preppy", then you have a wide range of things to choose from. I always hate forms that only give you two choices when you fall in between.

Now see that is what I am looking for! I can add things a lot easier than I can change things. Thank you!

[attis]

Personally I don't mind being asked any question, as long as I have the choice not to answer.

The problem with those kind of questionnaires is that for me most questions can't be answered with just a tick in a box.

This makes it sometimes extremely difficult to find the right partner. I just have to leave too many questions unanswered. So guys would have to take the time to ask me personally. Maybe I've missed out some great fucks because of this.